Monday, September 29, 2003 @ 12:13am | Entry no.350 | precious... precious billy-called-billiam ||   mood    sleepy   || ||   music    none.   || Today... well today was not a complete bust like I thought this weekend was going to be. I hung out with my precious today... and I 've just got to say, Billy-called-Billiam is absolutely adorable in person. Very cute, very, very cute. And so sweet, and did I mention cute? Anyways, we almost missed each other one the street, ((we were walking down Mascher trying to figure out where to meet up)), but at the last moment, I remember, hey, he's going to be skating down, oh, I probably should call out to him then. Got back to his house, popped in a movie, and then we fought. I'd like to think that I pinned him a few times, but it was more like, he pinned me a bunch of times. He gave me his hoodie to wear. It smelled nice, and now it probably smells like raspberry lotion. Oops. Then we just laid on the bed for a little while, watching the movie,.... and then he laid on me and I petted him, and gosh darn it, he was just so adorable. I was just hugging him, and I think he was just laying on my chest listening to my heart beat... I really wanted to kiss him, but, no Nancy, you aren't allowed to kiss him. He has to make the first move., so I waited... and waited. After his mum left, we both went out to the living room and finished watching the rest of the movie. I sat down on the couch, he sat down next to me, he commented on the fact that I looked comfy. Of course I looked comfy! I was wearing HIS hoodie, sitting on a comfy couch, sitting next to my precious. ((grins goofily)) Then he ran away, so I just sprawled out on the couch, and he came back, and decided it was a good idea to just lay on me. Great. Then we just started cuddling on the couch, and he suggested we move to the other one, where there was more room. Okay! We went over there, and cuddled some more, and laid on me again. Not that I was complaining. The sweetie gave me eskimo kisses! And kept "pretend" biting my neck. Damnit, if only... sheesh. I would have ((trails off..)) lol. Not really though. But, after another, say, 15 minutes of him laying on me and giving me eskimo kisses, I was like, bugger to this., and I gave him a quick kiss on the lips... and immediately following, I hid myself in his hoodie, because I was so damned shy. I kept saying that I was bad, because, heck, 1.) he's two years, 6 months and 21 days younger than I am, 2.) he's a flirt, and maybe I shouldn't have done it, and 3)... well, I remember the last time I made the first move and look how that turned out. I mentioned how I probably shouldn't have done it, and I wouldn't do it again, but he was like, "I didn't say that now" but heck, he kissed me afterwards, so yeah, maybe not such a bad idea. ((smiles)) Ah, I smooched Billy! Billy smooched me! And to all you people who think you know me... nothing more than that happened. We just kissed. It was all very innocent. It's strange to just kiss someone and not have it go anywhere else. I liked that... and I think I like him. ((zips mouth shut now)) I'm not supposed to like him. Oh well, nothing I can do about it, except keep on talking to him as I normally do. And more details on what happened.. well, that stays up in my head... or rather in a private entry later one. And it isn't anything bad,... just kissing, but it's private. My memories. I finally talked to my Chadwick about our parallel situation. He's noticed it too. He thinks we're destined to act out the same fate. I just said I hoped that his fate happens to him first, so I know what to expect. It is very strange that the same thing keeps happening to the both of us at the same time though... curious. Anywhoo, yeah, well, this whole weekend passed with me barely talking to Mike at all, and NOT seeing him at all. Odd.. I don't know... ah, just still seems like he doesn't want to talk to me, and if that's the way he feels, there's nothing I can do really to change his mind. Well, I've got to leave, since I think I need to be up by 5:30 today, and there's no way that's happening if I stay up all late. Sleepy... <33 toodles unburden your soul  ( memory/edit )

Monday, September 29, 2003 @ 12:35pm | Entry no.351 | Illegal emo boy VS Legal emo boy. ||   mood    giddy   || ||   music    "chop suey" _ sysem of a down   || Oops. Haha, I have TWO emo boys, although neither one will own up to his title. Ian mentioned that yesterday, because while I was over Billy's house, Ian IMed him and Billy talked to him for a little bit... and when I got home and IMed him for real, he was all, "eww, you keep leaving me", and then said something along the lines that Billy takes precedence over him. Erm, damnit, this is why emo boys are supposed to stay away from each other. At least I fixed my buddylist because before Billy saw it, because it used to be separated by catergories that would have gotten me in trouble. Anywhoo, at least Ian's older than I am, even if it's only by a few days. Damnit, but emo boys are so cute. Ah, I woke up this morning entirely too late, because I was... wait, I forgot what I did last night. ((laughs)) Not too bright today, are ya, Nanc? I'll probably wind up catching the 1:15 bus to Jersey and get there about 4ish or something. So much for making money this week, I'll only be working like 4 days. Ah, that bites, I'll be lucky to break $500... darn, oh well, it was worth it, I got to kiss Precious. ((squeals)) Precious. <33. Oy, this is not a good thing. No, Nancy, don't like him, you're not allowed. Ah, while meeting his parents, I felt like such the child molestor, I just wanted to sink into the floor and disappear completely. First off, the way I was dressed, and my tattoo was showing and my navel ring... plus if they knew I was older and chasing after their son? ((dies)). Ah, before his mum left, when we were in the living room, she jokingly said, (at least I think it was jokingly), that his grandfather would pop in and check up on us once in a while, so we'd better behave. So much for first impressions. And what did she expect for us to do? Screw like bunnies the moment she walked out of the door? She was still probably thinking about what Billy said a few nights earlier. ((laughs)) I'm such a girl about him. Goodness, definitely reminds me how I was like when I liked Chadwick.... so damned girly that I want to kick my own arse. But I can't help it, I like him. I need to keep yelling at myself, NO! Bad Nancy! Stop liking him! But I can't, and quite frankly I don't want to. I'll stop liking him though, just as soon as I get back to Jersey... unless, he thinks it's an okay idea for me to like him. Yeah, two flirts should not like each other, but darn it, I do. Anyways, I've been listening to System a lot lately, mainly because I got tired of waiting around for Mike L. to return my CD, and just went ahead and bought a new one. There's this really pretty piano part in Chop Suey that I didn't pick up before. I feel like lugging my keyboard, flute and violin to Jersey, but it looks as though I'll have to be content with just having my flute there. Eep, I just realized the time. I need to be getting dressed. Bugger to this, I'm staying til 3 pm. There's not point in me just sitting around not working really. I might even just stay til 5. It's tempting.. since Di's not going to be getting out til like 9. Yeah, I'm staying til like 5. I'm being lazy. I'll say I was helping Allie out with HW. But now what to do til then? Think of Precious? Yeah, that'll keep me occupied for a good while. Damnit, NO. I hate fighting with myself, I just don't win. Well. I'm going to go eat lunch. Yummy. Food. Well, maybe I shouldn't eat, since I actually like not being entirely too pudgy. Three more inches on my tummy and I'll be soo happy, because then I'll actually be thin. I've lost a total of 3 already, but I think my hips are about the same, if not bigger. Wow. I just took my measurements. 36d-28-38, meaning I've lost a few inches everywhere. Ah, so I'll never be bone-thin... I'll always be "curvy". But, overall. I'm shrinking. Goody. So, maybe I should hold off on lunch and just have coffee or something. Holy crap. I just fit into a pair of pants that I bought Pre-Britton, which I couldn't even fit into back then. Yes! And I fit into my size 6 jeans. Wow, I'm happy. Given a few more months in Jersey, maybe I'll actually get down to like a size 2 or 3. That'll be interesting... a thin little midget running around looking entirely too topheavy and about to fall over in a second. Dee'll be so mad if I'm able to lose weight without resorting to pills, dieting or exercising. Which reminds me, Ummi heard me "being sick", and she thought I went back to bingeing and purging. Like I'd go through that again. I had a hard enough time keeping food down after I stopped. It's truly disgusting when food automatically starts coming up without even having to stick your fingers down your throat. I'm actually tempted to go to the gym now. Work out, get all thin, get all prettied up, and come back to Philly and steal all the pretty boys away. ((hangs head)) I'm being delusional again. Or at least, steal Billy away. Billy.. ((sighs)). Precious. I'm really going to go now... I've got more clothes to try on to see which clothes I can fit into. <33 toodles. [note] If I can talk Dee into letting me "borrow" her digital camera for a little bit, I'll post some pics of me on here... only if they come out looking semi-decent... maybe. ( 2 ) deep dark secrets revealed  unburden your soul  ( memory/edit )

Monday, September 29, 2003 @ 08:46pm | Entry no.352 | empty. ||   mood    emo-ish   || ||   music    "best I ever had" - vertical horizon   || Lots of time to think, and as usual, too much thinking leaves me with a headache. Why I wrote him.. I have no idea. Just seemed like a good idea. Oh well. Duly noted... Olive branch was refused. Okay, not ever going to try again. Ah, until my next lapse in judgment, that is. I was told my expressions give away what I'm thinking, I wasn't even aware I was making faces while I talk. That along with my constant hand gestures... I'd be good in theater. Heck, I'd be great at it. Pretending to be someone you're not. I wonder if my expressions betray me when I'm speaking half-truths. Probably. It's strange though, whenever I'm not doing anything wrong, people always wonder what I'm up to... and when I wind up causing some trouble, nothing. I'm not even a remote suspect. Anyways, I'm going to go grab a shower, and hopefully that'll wash away some of the weariness I feel in my bones. <33 toodles. unburden your soul  ( memory/edit )