Thursday, September 18, 2003 @ 12:00am | Entry no.332 | Writing an entry.. accidently posted it. Oops. Post it later when it's all done. unburden your soul  ( memory/edit )

Thursday, September 18, 2003 @ 08:42pm | Entry no.333 | upon seeing me...."jea jea na?.... ((meaning older sister in cantonese)) ||   mood    blah   || ||   music    American Pie   || ...upon seeing Diana... the fxcker grunts. How's that for cute? Guys suck. Still talking to me as though I were their own personal whore. Sorry Pat, I'm not yours and I won't ever be. He needs to lay off the comments; they're really starting to piss me off. Who would have thought a Christian boy would wind up being more of an asshole than the jerks that I know? Weird. Ah, and as for the extra post. It was an incredibly long post about a pretty boy. A Jersey boy, to boot. He's gorgeous. Classic profile and all. ((sighs)) Gives me chills just thinking about him. Work. Hm. An appointment was made me with today. And the client even gave me the book she's reading. Weird, but okay. I was just commenting on the fact that she look really engrossed in her book, and she started telling me the storyline, and I mentioned that I thought it sounded interesting, and she just handed it to me, and said, "here keep it." Ha, okay. New book for me to read, even though I have about 20 books sitting on the shelf that I didn't read yet. My doctor's appointment's tomorrow. Eep. The storm's coming too. I wish the storm got really bad and I didn't have to go. I don't want anymore shots, I don't want anymore people poking and prodding me. Damnit, just let me be. Speaking of doctors'... on a somewhat related, but not quite... that just reminded me of Derek, ceadsearc. I want to comment upon the entries that are being made, but I feel at a loss for words. I'm worried about him, and he's been on my mind all day at work. Such a lovely person doesn't need to go through all that. Bugger. Pat's still pissing me off... to the point where I don't even want to be on the computer anymore. <33 toodles. ( 5 ) deep dark secrets revealed  unburden your soul  ( memory/edit )

Thursday, September 18, 2003 @ 11:02pm | Entry no.334 | ...watching you deny me... ||   mood    contemplative   || ||   music    "Give you back" - Vertical Horizon   || Seeing the world in greens at the moment. For no particular reason, I'm assigning shades to everything. I miss having a creative outlet. It could explain why I've taken up painting at the shop. It keeps me sane. I miss my music. I miss knowing I have the power to create something beautiful out of nothing at all. And now....I... have nothing. Great. Emo-ish. Emo-bullshxt. Fortunately, I have the power to stop this now, because I become someone you want to beat up, because they're just that whiny. Speaking of which, I wound up talking to an ex the other day. Talk about whiny. Made me very glad that I ditched him when I did. Curious. I just saw a few pictures of his ex's. Interesting. I always wind up bumping into my ex-boyfriend's ex's. Guess it's better than bumping into their current girlfriends. Eep. On the way to work this morning, I was daydreaming, when I heard the phrase, "how to tell if you're a psycho ex-girlfriend?" I wonder. Am I a psycho ex-girlfriend? Do I display the general tendencies of a rabbit-boiler? Would I slash my wrists ... erm. Wait, nevermind. Oops. The boiling rabbit thing, I'll never do. The slashing, I have, but that wasn't in the presence of the "ex". I'm not a psycho girlfriend, just psycho. I need to have the ability to just forget memories. Forget the people. Forget love. Forget "him". Honestly, "he's" already been forgotten, but doubt about myself still linger from that disaster. I want to believe it was real, the emotions were heartfelt, and our simple exchanges true. These lyrics seems fitting:: I need to know if you were real I'd hate to think that I'd been fooled again And as the vision fades I'll say I was blinded by your eyes I felt them burn But, trying to get anything out of "him", I had a better chance of becoming President. One thing I could say about him, he was very adroit at dealing with [and manipulating] people. He coolly handled most situations that were dealt to him, with the exception of one encounter. Ah, did I fall victim to his lies and deception? Only he knows. I won't ever be able to pry it out of him, unless I push him beyond his breaking limit, and then the shxt really hits the fan. Well, I'm going to go read now. I just skimmed the book jacket of the book Tara gave me, and it's pretty darn interesting. If I like it, I have a new author to go read, if not, at least I was entertained for a night. <33 toodles. ( 3 ) deep dark secrets revealed  unburden your soul  ( memory/edit )

Thursday, September 18, 2003 @ 11:24pm | Entry no.335 | Rather interesting tidbits... Why do men always neglect one breast over another? It always comes down to personality. There is something unique and special about every breast that gives it its own personality. It's similar to parents telling their children, "we love you all equally" when it's the furthest from the truth. Besides, it's hard for a man to concentrate on more than one thing at a time. Personally, I suspect that most men would be much happier with just a single large perky breast in the middle of the chest. Interesting... wasn't aware of that. What does it mean when men say, "I'm just not ready for a relationship right now" or "I don't want a girlfriend?" It means that we like you enough to sleep with you, but not enough so that we want to see you repeatedly. Hm. Ow? I'll kick the next guy who says that to me. Why are men such dogs? I resent that. Dogs are faithful... loyal... affectionate... and obedient... We men are nothing like dogs. How true is that? Do men really fake orgasms? Yes. Especially as we get older, if the sex is particularly bad or we realize we've made some sort of mistake, we sometimes fake it and try to salvage a good night's rest. [[dies]] I didn't need to know that. Great. I get to question bedroom activity now. Why is it so hard to find a funny, intelligent, nice, sensitive, and single man? The answer is actually quite simple. It all boils down to the law of supply and demand. If women truly wanted men who are funny, intelligent, nice, and sensitive, there would be a much greater supply. However, since women are actually more attracted to material wealth, muscular mass, or men who mistreat them, this explains the abundant supply of men who are workaholics, muscle heads, or total jerks. I've heard this so many times from the "good guys". The poor sweethearts,... how sad that we girlies like the assholes. More can be found here ( 2 ) deep dark secrets revealed  unburden your soul  ( memory/edit )