Sunday, September 14, 2003 @ 01:11am | Entry no.326 | "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned... ||   mood    blah   || ||   music    style TV   || ... for I have committed grievious sins against my fellow man... Friggin guys man. No sense whatsoever. I hate being the understand "friend", the one who won't judge even if their best friend is signing their own death warrant, and being a fucktard to boot. Gosh, I need to be back in Philly so that I'm able to just grab them and beat some sense into them. Argh. Work sucked. My back is killing me, and we wound up closing up the shop again. Friggin parents.... taking advantage of us. Oh well. It meant we had a car. It also meant that we wound up getting lost in Jersey. I kind of wanted to go somewhere, we didn't though. We went to Krispy Kreme. I don't see what the big hoopla is. It's a doughnut. A sugary sweet doughnut. Bleech. Sweets. I feel like being trendy. Heck, I am trendy. I'm a pink-lip-gloss-wearing-Starbucks-drinking-Ambercrombie-and-Fitch-sporting kind of chickie at the moment. Trendyness. Ew. Well, at least I don't shop at Hot Topic and pretend to be all hardcore "goth", like most of the kids in Jersey. "I'm angry at the motherfucking world, stay the fuck away, and let me stand here, with my long black hair and thick black eyeliner, moodily staring at you, trying to give off the impression that I'm suffering from the worst case of teenage angst, while what's truly on my mind is what time Mommy and Daddy are picking me up, so that I'll have time to change back into my pretty clothes and get ll this junk off my face, so they won't flip out and take my allowance away, so that I might actually have to get a job." Well, that amused me for a while. Now, I'm talking to my Chadwick. Finally got a shitload off my chest. I told him about Mike and I, and what went on. He's the first and only person who I can tell, because I trust him, and I normally don't trust anyone with anything. I didn't say anything for the longest time, because I was afraid that he would judge me, and I didn't want that happening. I wanted him to continue seeing me as how he normally sees me, as how a perfect girl should be. He's not judging me, and I'm happy that he isn't, because that's how I am with him. I'm getting kind of tired and seeing as how my pretty precious isn't in [[hugs my Billy-called-Billiam]], and my Chadwick went back out, I might as well watch some movies. <33 toodles. ( 2 ) deep dark secrets revealed  unburden your soul  ( memory/edit )

Sunday, September 14, 2003 @ 11:56pm | Entry no.328 | "we reflect on miscommunications and misunderstandings... ||   mood    tired   || ||   music    se7en   || ... and missing each other too much to have had to let go." Blah blah blah blah blah. Bored. Blah blah blah blah blah. Billy <33. Blah blah blah blah blah some more. Boredom. Decided I needed to be grown up. I'm starting to keep track of how much money I spend in a week. At this rate, it might actually end up being a few hundred dollars wasted on petty junk. My pile of reciepts are quite high. No wonder mummy dearest wants to hold onto my salary. Well, I don't spend my money on petty things. Mostly music, movies and books. Tons of CDs and MORE movies I picked up. Oops. Oh well. Work sucked. I'm tired. I talked to Billy for a few hours. Two actually. We touched upon the topic about hanging out when I get back to Philly. My precious is such a little darling. I wound up losing my temper so many times while I was on the phone. It wasn't directed towards him though. Dee was driving me crazy by her incessant chatter. Eep. I didn't mean to reveal my bad side so early. Like most girls, I'd rather act as though I was entirely happy and cheery all the time. ((shrugs)). I don't care. He's... oh. my. god. Chadwick and I are in another parallel. Him and Tara and Billy and myself. Both of us found someone younger who we're able to relate to, and actually see traits in Tara and Billy that are similiar to Chadwick's and mine own. Interesting. I'll bring this up next time I talk to my Chadwick. Billy-called-Billiam's cute. I like him. Starting to like him a lot. He's too precious. Anyways, going to watch MORE movies, since the more time I spend online, the less time I have to watch em <33 toodles [[note]] I'm currently designing a new layout. And I haven't quit decided what band I wanted my journal to feature. Help! In my next post, I'll bring up a poll. bye again!! ( 3 ) deep dark secrets revealed  unburden your soul  ( memory/edit )