Wednesday, September 10, 2003 @ 12:05am | Entry no.315 | Argh, another emo ranting. ||   mood    whiny   || ||   music    lion king soundtrack   || Insanely jealous of [Lady Mia-mia-bo-bia-banana-fanana-fo-fia]. Hating her for having everything that I wanted for so long. Wanting to shatter her perfect little world because I'm envious. She's lucky, but like I said before, I pity her also. Living life while wearing rose-colored glasses, not realizing the very thing in front of her is the thing that'll cause her world to be ripped apart. Silly girl, but heck, who am I to say what's right for her. I'd rather be miserable and know the truth than be all happy and have it be false. Anyways. In yet another emo funk, and I shouldn't be. I have Lion King playing on the telly, and my Chadwick on the computer. All I need is my Billy-called-Billiam right now, and I should get out of this weird mood. I don't like being sad. I want to be happy. I want to find a precious who'll [heart] me. I want to be amongst fiends. I want to be away from everyone and everything that's making me unhappy. I want to feel loved. Emo funk. Emo funk!! Fuck! Fuckity, fuckity, fuck FUCK. Argh. I feel like ripping out the eyes of someone close to me. Near and dear, close to my heart. Causing them pain. Causing hurt. Having their blood collect in their sockets. Creating neat little pools for me to drink out of. Drip, drip, drop. Oops. Was that too odd? Oh well. Billy-called-Billiam's into kink. Interesting. Very interesting indeed. ((wonders)) Going to watch the movie now. <33 toodles. ( 1 ) deep dark secret revealed  unburden your soul  ( memory/edit )

Wednesday, September 10, 2003 @ 01:24am | Entry no.316 | blah blah blah... emo like whoa. ||   mood    emo   || ||   music    watching memento   || The emo-ness has gotten worse. Now I'm fighting the urge to cry. I hate being like this, and I hate that I'm still affected by the silliest little things. Bah, I don't really feel like getting into it, because I'll wind up bawling my eyes out over this, but I will say this; when will I learn? There will always be someone else standing in the way, because I'm just not good enough to actually keep people around. Something in me is lacking. ((sighs)) Maybe one day, I'll find out what it is, fix it and have someone who's right for me fall madly in love with me. Ha. I don't know why I'm all worried about this. This is the exact same thing that I told Billy not to worry about. We're still young, and we have the rest of our lives to find someone special who we connect with. I just really wish it were now, because heck, living in Jersey is VERY lonely, especially if you don't have a boyfriend, and have only guys who you "see" occaisonally. No one steady person to make you feel all warm and tingly inside, because you know they're thinking about you just as much as you, if not more. Boo. Playing the detached female isn't as much fun anymore. Maybe I want more now. Maybe. We'll see. I'm thinking I shouldn't think too much. <33 toodles. ( 6 ) deep dark secrets revealed  unburden your soul  ( memory/edit )