Monday, September 08, 2003 @ 05:30pm | Entry no.310 | "tell me what you thought when you were gone" ||   music    "best of me" _ the starting line   || Pretty punk boys. Why are there suddenly so many of them? Not that I'm complaining or anything. Well, yes I am, there just isn't enough time to get to know them all and find out which one I like best. Although Billy is quickly becoming quite dear to me. Bwahaha, oh jeez. I'm a child molestor. I never gotten around to asking how old Billy was... He just turned 17 last week. Oops. Rather funny, but, yeah, he's makes me smile. More voicemails that make me all happy. He wound up calling me while I was still in bed. Argh, but I stopped being a silly little brat and called him back. I wound up talking on the phone with him for pretty long before I got pulled away to do something with the bank. He's calling me later. ((dances for joy)). More talking with Billy-boy. Anyways, I wound up chosing Pooh Bear cheques at the bank; how grown up am I? Yay for me. Yay for Pooh Bear. Anyways, yesterday. I got home, and wound up not being able to get a hold of anyone. Patrick kept telling me that it's a Sunday and there isn't anything to do. I mean, I guess I kind of knew where he was coming from that, but still, damnit, it seriously looked like I was staying in on my ONE day off. Chadwick just came back from a concert and had to go to bed early because his first day of work was tomorrow. Kare's away. Mattie's back at WCU, and the other guys, I wasn't really in the mood to see them. But then Mike IMed me, and mentioned the possibility of hanging out. I had pretty much given up all hope on seeing him, because he was busy, but no, I got to see him. Yay! So, I hung out with Mike, which made me smile, but I also wound up looking at him like he was crazy half the time. Every time he said something, I felt like petting him and slowing backing away. Randomness confuses me. Oops, correction, almost everything confuses me. ((sighs)) Lots of kissing. I forgot how much I miss it. I hate whenever day approaches. I wish it could be night all the time. Oh well. Because I work about seven days a week, I'm on a "normal" sleeping schedule, I couldn't really sleep past 10 or so, so I tossed and turned for a good hour, and then gave up around 11, and just laid in bed staring at the surroundings, and staring at Mike too, kind of trying to will him awake. He didn't wake up. I felt like poking him, and I think I did a few times. I violated his personal space, eventually he woke up... darn. It would have been amusing to take advantage of him. Tie him up and rape him. ((evil thoughts)) I've got to go, pretty people are calling me again. Yippee. I feel special. <33 toodles. unburden your soul  ( memory/edit )

Monday, September 08, 2003 @ 07:29pm | Entry no.311 | drama drama drama ||   mood    weird   || ||   music    "sunrise"_ ghostchild   || Would it be my fault, if I could turn you on? Would I be so bad, if I could turn you on? When I kiss your mouth, I wanna taste it Turn you upside down, Don't want to waste it I jump on you, you jump on me Push me out, And even though you know I love you, I'd be inclined to slap you in the mouth When I kiss your salty lips You will feel a little crazy, but for me I'll be famous on TV Rather envious of [Lady M], but when I realize that I have it better than her, I wind up pitying her. Poor chickie. Poor me. ((sighs)) I'm guessing there'll be a lot of drama going down pretty soon. All signs are pointing to that. Just one huge shxt-storm waiting to happen. I just hope that I don't get caught in the middle of it, but I have a feeling that I will be since I'm a part of it. Let's just see what happens. Somewhat happy news, I'll be back here in about two weeks, and back on October 8th, and October 26th; hopefully more than one day at a time. Probably not though, since I'll be coming back to Philly every two weeks and even then, it's mostly for doctor's appointments. I got my bloodwork results back. It's kind of weird, I need more medicine, and I've got look up what it is I have exactly. Sometime minor. Blah, I hate not being well. At least, I know for sure that it's nothing major that I've got, they ruled out all the major things, but lucky me, MORE tests and MORE bloodwork. More needles. Blahhh.. But... I'll have time then to see Billy, Chadwick and Patrick finally and of course, Mike. Hopefully the first three lazy bastards'll not be lazy and actually get off their asses long enough to go and hang out. I already decided which outfit I'll be wearing when I go see Billy, the classic little black 50's style dress, which is VERY cute, because I've got crazy compliments on it. He's so adorable! I just wish I could get over the whole niggling little age thing. It's only two years. Only Sheesh, two years is a lot, when dealing with maturity levels, but heck, I'm not mature most of the time. I'm a silly little bint who goes around fighting people and making them kiss my stuffed animals. So, would it be wrong? Ha, we already had this little talk, and he seems perfectly fine with it, but heck, what 17 year old wouldn't, with an older woman chasing after him. It'd serve me right for cracking jokes about Chad and his little mishaps. Oy, but at least he isn't any younger. Eep, I like guys way too easily, but at least I get over them relatively quickly. Fickle. Hm, that's what I am. I just hope I don't turn into a "good time girl", because that's not the way I want guys to see me as. I can be a good girlfriend if I actually meet anyone who'd actually make me want to be in relationship. But yeah, no one has, so in the meantime, I'll just enjoy myself, and ignore the little voice in the back of my mind, who keeps telling me just to stick to one guy at a time or else there'll be trouble. I'll get all tripped up and confused about who I told what. And I can only imagine when I inadvertently slip about the "others". Anywhoo, done writing about stupid stuff. I've got to get packed up again. Boo. <33 toodles. unburden your soul  ( memory/edit )

Monday, September 08, 2003 @ 11:51pm | Entry no.312 | "I never felt this way before... so insecure." ||   mood    contemplative   || ||   music    linkin park   || Wonderwoman underoos. I wish I had them; maybe then I can feel safe against the night, all by my lonesome self. ((sighs)) I wound up thinking about quite a bit when I was lying in Mike's bed. Thought about how things are so much simpler when you don't have to face things in the morning. Felt alone, and just the teensiest bit sad. For the first time ever, I wasn't content with how things were. Don't get me wrong, I was happy with everything, but just in the morning. ((sighs again)) I don't know. I just wish I knew what was going on inside my head. It may sound strange, but felt faintly like that disasterous night with Britton. Maybe I should move on, but again, I'm kind of attached to him, and don't really want to. ((sighs YET again)) I'm such a silly little girl. Well, more phone calls to the naughty lil' 17 year old. Such a cutie. Leaving now. <33 toodles. unburden your soul  ( memory/edit )